Stop Telling Me Screen Time Is Bad For Kids

It’s no secret that too much screen time is detrimental for a child. And any other human being, in fact. Too much of anything can never be good, right? So is the case for the overwhelming number of articles preaching the ills of screen time. When I come across yet another piece about the harmful effects of screen time and what parents should or should not do, I feel the urge to slam my phone down and throw up.

What’s often jarringly missing in those articles: acknowledging the reality and addressing the uncomfortable truth about why kids have access to screen time. Interestingly, after years of propagating that “too much” screen time is dangerous, researchers and childhood experts can’t seem to agree on just how much is too much.

Hardly any of these articles are written with parents’ wellbeing in mind. Years ago when my children were mere infants and toddlers, all this bad news about screen time hit me a lot more painfully. As a working mum whose children are cared for by their grandparents during the day, I realised that the TV was the main mode of entertainment for my kids even though there were toys aplenty. It was, perhaps, the only way the grandparents saw fit to keep the kids still, get them to eat, and make them stay away from death-seeking stunts while the parents were at work. Heck, my daughter got her very own tablet (obviously not from me) by the time she was four!

In the interest of keeping family peace like a diplomatic Libran, I did not think it would be wise to interfere with grandparenting styles, especially when both my husband and I were not around. (They say, pick your battles!) When my kids were old enough to comprehend, I would constantly remind them about the perils of “too much” screen time, along with too much of anything.

Of course, I had issues accepting babysitters like Cocomelon and Nick Jr. I also grappled with feelings of regret for not setting grandparenting boundaries much earlier (in my defence, I didn’t know better!), and irrational guilt for choosing to work instead of staying home to look after the kids myself – although I’m not sure I would have managed to keep my kids alive and well occupied without screen time.

The kids are alright… it seems

As my kids turn eight and five this year, I can’t tell how much damage has been done to their brain functions and learning abilities from exposure to practically-unlimited screen time in their early years, because there’s no marker for comparison and every child is unique. I’m just happy to report that they seem to be developing fine mentally, socially and emotionally. They have a mix of non-screen interests at home, including drawing, colouring, reading and pretend play. When the kids are under my watch, they are more than obliging in sticking to time limits I’ve set.

Importantly, I’ve learnt that screen time doesn’t deserve the bad rap that it has. In this digital age, there’s so much more to it than just the passive, mindless consumption that foreboding articles and sweeping statements will have you believe.

When screen time saves the day

When my kids are bored or when I want to get them out of my hair, I would offer up lifesaver Siri on my iPhone or Apple Watch. Besides getting a kick out of asking Siri random/ridiculous questions (e.g. “Siri, do you have a girlfriend?”, “Are you hairy?”, “Have you pooped before?”), and picking up knock knock jokes, my kids – loaded with Singlish and slurs – have learnt a fair bit from those impromptu chats. For example, how to speak clearly and intelligibly enough for Siri, how to ask the right questions to get the answers they seek, as well as conversational etiquette.

On my phone, I love showing my kids photos and videos of themselves when they were younger, as well as recall fun times we’ve shared. When we just want a good laugh, my husband and I actively show them YouTube videos, anything from The Duck Song to Mahna Mahna by The Muppets. Whatever tickles our fancy at that point. (Don’t judge.) On a more serious note, we do video calls on the phone to connect with family members we don’t often meet.

On my laptop, my P2 daughter enjoys using online learning portals such as Student Learning Space, KooBits Math and eZhishi for self-practice, homework and assessment, thanks to cute animations and age-appropriate games. She has also started using Microsoft Paint to create and edit images. Since she’s artistically inclined, I might introduce her to Canva next. And who knows, maybe get her to help with my creative work?

Even with all that constructive or semi-constructive time spent on devices, I can’t deny that my kids still get their daily dose of Nick Jr. programmes and YouTube videos – key to caregivers’ sanity, as it turns out. But I’m not about to set hard time limits and sound the alarm. To me, what’s worth focusing on should be why and how children use specific devices.

Fingers crossed I won’t come across another preachy screen time article soon.

Estelle Low is the editor of The Singapore Women’s Weekly. She loves her kids unconditionally, but hates how parenting is a severely undervalued job. She thinks the world would be a better place if more mums open up about their struggles and ask for help. DM her on Instagram (@estellelow) if you have something to share.