Unexplained Infertility At 29: The 4-Year Fight I Never Saw Coming

As I write this story, I can’t help but feel a tinge of nervousness. My journey to conceiving has been a difficult one spanning more than four years and five rounds of fertility treatment. Sharing it definitely unleashes feelings of vulnerability.

Recently, I played a character who was an IVF hopeful. In one scene, her husband helped her administer an IVF injection. Filming it brought me straight back to my own IVF days — the countless injections, the pain, the hesitation, and yet, the persistent hope I clung to.

Trying to conceive 

Struggling with infertility wasn’t something I ever imagined, especially at 29. After three years of marriage, my husband and I decided to try for a baby when I was 28.

Honestly, I expected to conceive within four to six months. However, month after month passed with nothing. After a year of trying, I went for a fertility check.

The results showed no obvious issues for either of us. Being young and generally healthy, I couldn’t understand why we weren’t able to conceive.

According to Dr Judith Ong, Consultant at National University Hospital’s Division of Reproductive Endocrinology & Infertility, unexplained infertility occurs when no identifiable cause is found despite thorough testing. 10 to 15% of infertile couples in Singapore fall into this category.

“There are several reasons for infertility that cannot be reliably tested, either because no reliable tests exist or we do not yet fully understand them,” Dr Ong explains. “These include egg quality, unsuccessful fertilisation, and implantation failure.”

My fertility treatments

My gynaecologist first suggested intrauterine insemination (IUI), where sperm is placed directly into the uterus to improve chances of fertilisation. While less invasive than IVF, it still required multiple injections to stimulate my ovaries.

I went through three rounds of IUI over a year, but none were successful. Each cycle ended with frustration, disappointment, and a sense of slipping hope.

We then moved on to IVF. Once again, I had to inject my stomach daily to stimulate my ovaries, followed by egg retrieval under general anaesthesia.

Even though I was in skilled hands, I woke up in pain — my ovaries were swollen, and I struggled to breathe or sleep properly for two nights. It was the most physically painful part of my IVF journey.

Experiencing loss

Despite that, my first IVF cycle led to a positive pregnancy blood test. But the joy was short-lived.

A follow-up blood test showed falling levels of the HCG hormone, which indicated that the pregnancy had stopped developing. A few days later, another blood test confirmed the worst: I had experienced a chemical pregnancy.

This early pregnancy loss happens when pregnancy hormones are detected, but the embryo is lost before it can be seen on an ultrasound scan. Even though I was only five weeks pregnant, I was devastated and cried profusely. I had never felt so helpless and alone. 

Six months later, I gathered the courage to try IVF again. This cycle failed, though it was emotionally less painful than losing a pregnancy.

Nine months after that, we prepared for another IVF cycle while continuing to try naturally. Just before starting treatment, a blood test revealed I was pregnant naturally.

The news felt unreal. After years of disappointment, I had almost lost hope. At the ultrasound, seeing a nine-week-old foetus with a heartbeat made me burst into tears. It was a moment I never thought I would get to experience.

Today, I’m cuddling my beautiful 10-month-old and I still can’t believe this blessing. 

My hope and advice

By sharing my story, I hope to encourage anyone silently struggling with fertility. Infertility is often associated with older age, but younger couples struggle too, and pregnancy losses happen across all ages.

To anyone going through this: you are not alone. Here’s what I learnt.

1. Sources of support matter more than you think

Infertility and pregnancy loss can be a lonely experience. How do you open up to someone about such a vulnerable experience? At first, I kept it to myself, which only deepened my depression.

I eventually confided in a few close friends and members of my church community. Some had gone through infertility and loss; others simply listened with empathy. All of them gave me so much love and support.

I also joined online communities like Fertility Support SG, where members were supportive in sharing advice and answering my questions about the IVF process and everything in between.

Support doesn’t erase the pain, but it makes the burden lighter.

2. Improve your chances, practically and emotionally

Dr Ong shares that couples facing unexplained infertility can make lifestyle changes that support conception — such as maintaining a healthy weight, eating a balanced diet, and exercising regularly.

For me, dance, pilates and spinning classes became a way to care for both my mind and body. Staying active grounded me in a season of waiting.

Dr Ong also advises seeking medical help when needed, as procedures like IUI and IVF can be beneficial. While my own IUI and IVF treatments didn’t result in a full-term pregnancy, I know many who have conceived through these methods.

3. Self-care is pivotal

Trying to conceive is often a marathon, not a sprint. IVF especially involves endless waiting, tests, injections and scans.

Self-care helped me survive the emotional rollercoaster. I practised self-care through vacations with my husband, regular exercise, eating my favourite foods (in moderation) and small indulgences like massages.

You can’t pour from an empty cup — especially in a journey as draining as this. 

4. Dealing with loss takes time

Pregnancy loss is deeply personal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Some may name the baby, write a letter, or keep a small memento. Others may simply need time and quiet space to sit with the grief.

I keep a small photo of the fertilised embryo I lost — something the hospital gave me. It’s my way of honouring that brief existence.

5. Your worth is never defined by fertility

I struggled a lot with self-worth during this period. Why couldn’t I do something millions of women can?

Conceiving naturally after five rounds of failed fertility treatment showed me how much is still unknown in reproductive science — and how much is out of our control.

As a Christian, I believe my worth comes from being made in God’s image, not from whether I can conceive. That truth anchored me and reminded me I am loved and valued.

Regardless of your beliefs, please remember: your value is not, and never will be, defined by your ability to conceive.

After years of uncertainty, loss and countless treatments, my journey finally brought me to the joy of holding my baby. If you are longing for a child, I hope this piece encourages you, and reminds you that your dream is worth fighting for.

Rebecca Wong is a freelance writer, actress and new mum to a baby girl. She still can’t get over the fact that she squeezed a tiny human out of her body. Connect with her @rebeccarachelwong.