How To Identify Trauma And What To Do If You're Suffering From It
Could you have trauma, without even realising it? We speak to experts on how to identify trauma, and take the first steps towards healing
Earlier this year, my therapist of four years made a life-altering comment: “You’ve gone through a lot of trauma; it’s ok to not feel ok sometimes.” I was flummoxed. Trauma? That was reserved for people who’d been abused, gone through a life-changing incident, or experienced some very bad things. Sure, I’d had my fair share of trials and tribulations like anyone else, but trauma? That couldn’t be right…
What many of us don’t realise is that the very trials and tribulations that we minimise with a dismissive shrug – and which might seem inconsequential in the grander scheme of things (you know, natural disasters, physical abuse, accidents etc) – have the power to cause us unspeakable pain, and prevent us from living our lives to the fullest.
Her statement marked a turning point in my life. I learnt how to accept my emotions, stop trivialising what I felt, and not feel guilty about lingering feelings of pain. It also marked the first step in my healing process, because I finally knew what I was dealing with. By naming it, I stopped shaming it.
I am not alone in feeling this way: We are often told to “suck it up” and move on. We brush incidents and emotions away as minor inconveniences, attribute headaches to stress, and ignore our emotions, lest people think we’re overreacting. This is especially pervasive in our Asian culture, where we tend to fight emotions off with a bargepole, hence making it harder to identify what we’re dealing with.
Whether you’re a child of divorce, suffered from emotional neglect as a child, or were gaslighted by a partner, these incidents can all leave a lingering effect on your state of mind and could cause lasting trauma if not managed properly. And this can have an outsized physiological impact by causing blockages in the way that we approach our lives, relationships and even careers.
Natalia Rachel, founder of Illuma Health, author of Why Am I Like This, and a trauma expert, explains, “Trauma is a relatively new field of study. We are very good at diagnosing, labelling and trying to make symptoms go away so we can either survive or remain productive. Unfortunately, the way the modern world is structured, productivity equals survival for millions of people. In recent years we are seeing awareness of trauma growing in mainstream health and mental healthcare, but we still have a long way to go. We are at the beginning of a big shift towards recognising that much of our distress and dysfunction has origins in unresolved trauma.”
She adds, “The next step is creating pathways to heal that are accessible to more people. Part of healing from trauma is about letting go of all the coping and survival mechanisms we have in place. Initially, when we do this, there is often a period of chaos and reorganisation. It’s common to be afraid of this and loop back into the old ways that perpetuate the trauma. Our task is to gather our resources and hold ourselves and each other through the process. Healing from trauma requires a textured and relational approach.”
But before we start the healing process, we need to understand: Are we suffering from trauma? What does it look like? And what does the healing process entail? We ask the experts for answers.
“Trauma is a set of emotional, physical and cognitive responses that are experienced by an individual after witnessing or going through a particularly distressing event or a series of distressing events,” says Bernice Lim, the founder and principal psychologist of Asia Psychology Centre. “These responses are likely to be overwhelming, negative, distressing, and can sometimes classify as a clinical disorder (PTSD – post-traumatic stress disorder).”
Adds Natalia, “Trauma is when a past experience of threat is living and breathing in us now. It is largely unconscious non-verbal and somatic in nature. It shows up as sensations, emotions and related patterns. Trauma travels through relationships, families, communities, cultures and systems. So too does healing.”
Some reactions to trauma can include shock and denial, while longer-term symptoms include an inability to form nurturing relationships, experiencing mood swings, being overly emotional, flashbacks, headaches and more. These can be prompted by trauma triggers – for example, driving a car after an accident – and can lead to anxiety and other disorders.
Trauma is not always caused by a massive, life-changing incident, nor does it manifest itself in the same way for different people. A common misconception about trauma, says Natalia, is that it is not caused by “a past event itself, it’s what is left over un-metabolised inside us. The severity of the trauma is not necessarily about the gravity of what happened in the past, it’s more to do with our lack of resources to metabolise it. The quality of our relationships during and after the time of traumatic experience is the biggest predictor of whether it will go on to become unresolved trauma.”
She adds that it can also “occur through lack of emotional attunement, neglect, shaming or exclusive behaviours or the absence of validation.”
Adding that “what is perceived as a traumatic event to some, may not be perceived as a traumatic event to others (how someone reacts to a certain event is key here)”.
She adds, “While traumatic experiences frequently involve extreme, dangerous and life-threatening events, any experience that leaves an individual feeling alone and completely overwhelmed can be traumatic – even without the presence of physical harm or threat. It is thus critical to remember that it’s not the objective facts of the event alone that determine how traumatic an experience is; it’s also the subjective emotional experience of the event. Often, the more frightened and helpless one feels, the more likely it is that an individual will be traumatised. As mentioned, everyone perceives different events, differently.”
For me, my trauma was not the result of a single incident. Instead, it was complex trauma that was formed by years of trivialising and suppressing my feelings that arose from difficult situations, from heartbreaks to broken friendships, from family issues to professional challenges. I would feel guilty about being sad and would try my hardest to ignore the pain because somewhere else, someone in Iraq or Afghanistan or Yemen or who knows where was going through a harder situation than I was. Identifying my pain as a trauma taught me to be kinder, to be more patient, and to stop being so hard on myself. In the same way that I would show compassion and empathy to a friend who’s undergone a difficult situation, I learnt how to extend the same courtesy to myself.
Symptoms are physiological and can include cognitive, emotional, behavioural and physical signs. “Signs and symptoms of trauma can traverse, body, mind and relationships,” says Natalia, and adds the following list of (inconclusive) signs:
Body:
Unexplained pains, tightness or tension
Gut issues
Skin rashes/irritations
Twitches and ticks
Inflammation
Auto-immune and other diseases
Feeling like the body is not yours/ being in the wrong body
Mind:
Depression
Anxiety
Apathy/no inspiration
Voices in the head that battle each other
Self-sabotaging behaviour
Negative self-talk
Relationships:
Staying in abusive or disrespectful relationships
Getting triggered often (feeling abandoned, violated, neglected or misunderstood)
Emotional Outbursts
Feeling alone, even when in relationships
Because there are many signs that overlap with other disorders including anxiety and depression, it can be difficult to identify trauma, says Bernice. She adds, “Denial is a very common response to trauma as it also serves as a defence mechanism. Denial functions as a shield that emotionally and mentally disconnects you from the traumatic event. This might allow the individual to function relatively normally in some daily duties – which then makes the signs of trauma more difficult to detect. (While denial can blunt the effects of trauma in the short term, it may not aid you in healing the pain).
“Many trauma sufferers have also been living in a triggered state for so long that they have come to expect and accept it as part of daily living, and may not recognise it as part of a trauma response.”
The first step to healing is, ironically, being open to healing. You can’t force a smoker to give up their cigarettes; and in the same way, you can’t force someone to get better if they’re not ready to. “Accepting help and support is a lot easier if you recognise that there is a problem, and steps can be taken to make things better,” acknowledges Bernice.
Adds Natalia, “There’s no such thing as a ‘healed state’ or ‘healed person’. Clinging to a very polarised perception of healed or unhealed is one of the blocks to our continued healing and growth as well as the nemesis of self-compassion.”
That said, it is certainly possible to overcome trauma. As Bernice puts it, “That doesn’t mean we forget things ever happened. This means that we are able to process what happened to us, accept it and even use it as a powerful learning experience to thrive (more than just survive) in life. This also does not mean that we no longer experience triggers from the event – but we are most definitely able to cope far better with it.”
Natalia emphasises that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. “It’s important to note that these experiences will happen in different orders, at different layers and increase and decrease, depending on each person’s unique journey. The biggest thing that healing from trauma brings is a deep sense of self-compassion which leads to grace. We learn ‘I’m ok here, just as I am… and every part of me is valid and worthy of my compassionate care.’”
Depending on the extent and the cause of the trauma, recovery will look different for different people. If it’s a car accident you’re healing from, Bernice says that some signs of recovery include “being able to sleep/eat/rest/function just as before. Riding/ driving a car may not even make you feel as anxious as before”.
For those recovering from childhood emotional neglect, “It can be being able to feel and experience your emotions to a fuller extent, and not shying away from expressing them in a healthy way to others. You feel more at ease with vulnerability and are able to spot your own triggers and regulate your responses to them. There might also be an increased acceptance of yourself (warts and all).”
Natalia concludes, “As we heal some of the things we can expect to notice include:
More capacity for aliveness (both the difficulties and the joys)
More ease (we stop ruminating as much)
Less internal chatter, or at least quieter, calmer voices inside our heads
Fewer triggers (we become more resilient to other people and the external world)
Emotional intelligence and maturity (we learn to name, feel and process our emotions, as well as understand and differentiate from others’ emotions)
Increased balance, flexibility and agility (this pertains to the physical body and also how we navigate life in general)
Healthier relationships
Feeling more like ourselves, authentic and a greater sense of belonging in the world at large.”
Disclaimer: If you’re struggling with trauma, anxiety and other mental health issues, you can consult your local GP or dial the National Care Hotline at 1800-202-6868 for emotional or psychological support.
Text: Karishma Tulsidas/HerWorld