7 Empowering Ways To Prepare Our Children Mentally For Exams

October is coming and with it, a big hurdle to overcome for many parents and children alike — the final-year examinations. Many, especially those with Primary 3 children, may worry as they will be sitting the exams for the very first time. This worry may translate to last-minute scrambling to find extra academic support for our children. But one thing is for sure—amidst the busy preparation to prepare our children academically, how can we take care of our child’s mental wellbeing? 

Cindy Lim, founder of @ourmindfulpod, and a family and parenting coach with over 16 years of experience, believes that raising children who are happy and resilient is key to ensuring they grow and develop in a healthy way. Through her Instagram platform, Cindy initiates conversations that revolve around positive parenting and other child-centred approaches to help her followers in their parenting journeys. 

Here, Cindy shares with parents ways to enable and empower our children so that we can better support them mentally in their exam preparations. Though there's only about a month to go, it's better late than never! 

Get to know what your child is learning in school

We may fear our child fails or does not get an A. But if we allow this fear to conquer our thoughts, we may end up always making decisions to address that fear, instead of addressing what's more important — our child’s needs. For example, we may fall into the trap of jam-packing our child’s schedule with last-minute tuition classes to address our fear of them failing a subject, instead of the intention to address their learning gaps. 

The first step to overcome that fear is to be informed of our child’s curriculum. Find out what learning content is tested. Flip through their learning materials and see if they have been doing their work well. If necessary, speak to their teacher to find out if there are learning gaps that need to be filled. 

Take the time to have a chat with your child to address concerns about the subject areas they are weak in. Don’t forget to also affirm their achievements in subjects they are doing well in. 

Set achievable goals with your child

The key to goal setting is do it together with your child, not for your child. Every child innately wants to succeed. How can we help our child get to where they wish to be? 

Cindy emphasizes how crucial it can be for parents to spend time talking to their children to find out what their interpretations of success are. Some useful prompts:

1. What is an achievement to you? 
2. What do you want to achieve? 
3. How do you think you can get there? 
4. How can I support you? 

Enabling this conversation empowers your child as they explore ideas of success with you as their guidance. Having this chat with your child shows that you care about their wellbeing as a whole, and not just focus on the exams and results they get. 

Nurture a love for learning

It is not so much about the examinations as it is about the learning journey. All children will learn that exams are part and parcel of their school learning journeys; but will your child learn that exams are not the one and only indicator of success?

Cindy acknowledges that healthy competition is good — it spurs children to experience struggle, while putting in their best in whatever they do. But competitiveness aside, it is more vital that parents help develop a love for learning in our children. Discover ways for your child to love the subject. Find out more about your child’s struggles with each subject and explore ways to help your child overcome those struggles.  It makes your child feel less lonely in their revision journey.

Co-create routines with your child

Sit down with your child to craft a suitable timetable to establish routines. Seek to understand their physical, social and psychological needs so that mutual decisions can be made. The routine should be aimed at supporting your child’s learning development, not to control it.

For example, check in with your child to find out what they prefer to do right after getting back from school. We can all relate to times when we need a mental breather right after coming back home from work. Why not apply this to our children? 

Give your child room for rest

Busier does not always mean better. There is already so much noise that our children have been hearing at school for at least 6 hours. This noise comes in the form of activities, chatter from the environments and instructions from teachers.

Quiet time, apart from physical rest, is just as crucial. It allows them to reset and take the time to recharge before hitting the books again. Some children may prefer to nap while some may prefer to engage in quiet activities such as doodling or even free play. Give your child the space to zone out from mentally strenuous activities to allow room for growth and creativity. 

Share "calming down" strategies with your child 

Cindy emphasises how mindfulness strategies such as simple breathing techniques can help your child cope with stress. This includes asking your child to count their fingers from 1 to 10 as they take in deep breaths (you can also find out more about other fun breathing techniques here).

Creating a "calm down" corner in your home may also present your child with a safe space where they can engage in mindful activities to manage stress. You can hang or paste pictures of the family in past memorable experiences to evoke positive emotions in your child. Materials for activities that your child loves to engage in such as art and craft or books can also be placed in that corner. 

Hold space for yourself and your child 

To hold space for yourself means to allow yourself to be aware of the feelings that you may have, and to explore healthy ways to manage them. This may include holding yourself back from doing things that may affect your child’s self-esteem such as lashing out at your child because of a poor grade. 

Instead, ask yourself where the anxiety and disappointment stem from. Cindy shares that more often than not, such negative emotions are rooted in our own deep-seated childhood experiences. These may be the very triggers that cause you to react in a certain manner when your child’s performance disappoints you.

Similarly, give your child space to express their emotions to you. Provide them a listening ear when they need you to, instead of jumping into the "saviour" mode. This will encourage them to come back to you whenever they face problems in the future. 

Credit: ourmindfulpod

Offering our children security and confidence is key to ensuring that they have strong enough psychological net to fall back on. When we come from a place of care and concern for our children, and not from a place of fear, they will be more enabled and empowered to do well for their exams.

To learn more about how to raise happy and resilient children, check out Our Mindful Pod’s ‘Emotional Intelligence Toolkit’.