Real Mums On The Most Ridiculous Motherhood Beliefs They've Heard
Seriously. What is the most ridiculous thing YOU'VE heard?
By Terri Kue -
While it boils down to subjectivity, we've all heard our share of skewed (and sometimes, triggering) perceptions about parenting. Parenting coaches or specialists (or even loved ones) can have their opinions on things, but it pales compared to the actual lived experience of motherhood. You have to live it to understand it. And the experience can be different for everyone.
Below, seven mums from our #MumStory series share with us the most rubbish and ridiculous things they've heard about motherhood.
It's time we become more socially aware about such beliefs being imposed on mums and mums-to-be.
The most ridiculous thing I've heard is that motherhood is "easy", or that it comes naturally to some people. For me, motherhood didn't come naturally at all. Will Smith put it best when he said: you need to do multiple tests to ensure you can get your driver's license. But when you have a child, they just hand them to you at the hospital and say "good luck!".
I also didn't handle the transition into motherhood particularly well. I was stressed and had postpartum anxiety. Looking back at the steep learning curve, I know I came out of it stronger and more confident. I may not be the best mother in the world, but I am the best mother to my kids and that's enough.
- Karen Fong, 41, writer, mum of two
Read Karen's #MumStory here.
People say that becoming a stay-at-home mum (SAHM) is the best thing for the kids. Due to the fact that I started a few businesses and failed at many, those around me advised me to become a SAHM so that my kids would get the best care.
Because of that, I became a SAHM for four years. However, I think I am a better mother when I work and get help with household chores.
- Joy Tan, 33, founder of JoyBabySG, mum of three
Read Joy's #MumStory here.
For me, it's the idea that once you become a mum, everything will be about your kids. I get why people say that; parenthood can be all-consuming. But it doesn't have to be that way if you commit to creating space and time for yourself.
After eight years of motherhood, I absolutely believe that I have to fill my cup before I can tend to my kids. Happy mum, happy kids.
- Estelle Low, 35, editor of The Singapore Women's Weekly, mum of two
Read Estelle's #MumStory here.
For me, it's more about the liberal use of the word "should". I hear that a lot.
Such as: You should sleep train; you should potty train; you should sleep together; you should sleep alone. And so on. Or even: you should have had kids earlier/later, because you are too old/young to be a mother.
But the right age is whenever you are ready and can have one, right? So maybe we should hear fewer shoulds and should nots.
- Eileen Chia, 48, commercial director, mum of four
Read Eileen's #MumStory here.
As a parent, one of the most ridiculous things I've heard is the idea that we can kiss our sleep and social life goodbye once our child arrives. While it's true that parenting can be exhausting and demanding, it's not true that we should sacrifice our own well-being.
We recently embarked on sleep training our daughter and have found that her sleep is a lot more stable, which has provided us with opportunities to plan pockets of self-time and social activities around her schedule. Of course, there are still trade-offs, and we can't possibly party till late or go on a Netflix marathon, but it's more manageable than what we were initially told.
- Jasmine Tay, 36, secondary school teacher, mum of one
Read Jasmine's #MumStory here.
It’s disgraceful when parents of boys say that “boys will be boys” when boys are violent towards other children or animals. It makes my blood boil.
Having three daughters, I fear for their safety as they grow. I have made them learn karate so they can (try to) take care of themselves. However, it shouldn’t be about women knowing how to fight back and protect themselves. It starts with boys learning how to treat the opposite sex, and human beings in general.
I don’t accept any violence, whether boys against boys, girls against girls, boys against girls, or girls against boys. Take responsibility and parent boys early in their lives on how to be gentle, caring, empathetic, kind, thoughtful, and considerate.
- Nicola Gennaoui, mum of four
Read Nicola's #MumStory here.
I just want to tell all mums out there that only you can bring up your child the way you want them to be.
Don’t let naysayers dampen the amazing moments you are going to have with your kid. Sometimes you make mistakes, but most of the time you will be making amazing decisions for your child. So just go ahead and explore the journey with your child together!
- Choo Ling Er, 36, Ironman athlete, mum of one
Read Ling Er's #MumStory here.