Letter To My Primary 6 Son: It's Okay To Fail

Dear Son,

You embark on Primary 6 this year – a momentous year for almost all Singaporean children because of the PSLE.

I’m sure you already know by now what supposedly rides on that, so I don’t want to go into any of those “doing well in the PSLE will open up more opportunities for you” lines.

After all, you’ve already told me last year, as we were setting up a game of your favourite Ticket to Ride, that the PSLE is your Roman Empire. That really stopped me in my tracks, even as I continued to chatter on about the routes I would play in our game.

Why should an 11-year-old boy have all his thoughts on an examination that was more than 12 months away? For that matter, why should any child have his thoughts consumed by any examination?

Maybe I talked a bit too much about the examination and secondary schools you could go to. Or maybe that’s what you and your friends talk about.

What brings you joy

But son, at 11, you should be thinking about the things, moments, and people that bring you joy. 

That’s what I want you to go into your Primary 6 year with: a head and heart full of joy and hope, to carry you through the inevitable stress that the rest of the year will bring.

Because really, do exams bring you joy? Maybe good results do, and I’m all for you trying to do the best you can to attain that sense of satisfaction, for giving this thing all you got. 

But always remember that you are more than any examination result you get, any school you go to, any medal you win. 

You are a very much loved child and son of mine, who brings so much joy to everyone in our family and me.

So what brings you joy? Is it playing football on a sunny day, running your heart out for the ball with your eye on the goal? Is it enjoying a page-turning book with a yummy, crunchy snack beside you while you laze on the sofa? Is it playing a new song on the piano? Is it exploring new countries and sipping on a comforting hot drink?

Surely, joy is found in so much more than your results, and I want you to remember this as you move into your Primary 6 year.

We’ll disagree, but we will be okay

Son, I’ve always been honest with you, so you know when I mess up, and when I can do better.

I’ve told you before that I’ve had to learn how to be a mum with you. I’m still learning how to be a good mum to you even as you enter the final year of your primary school life. 

Sometimes, I get things wrong. Like when I promise to play a game with you but back out at the last minute when I feel too overwhelmed with everything going on at home. But I want you to know that while I’ll never be perfect, I’ll always try to make things right again, and I’m never too proud to apologise.

As the year unfolds, we will definitely have some arguments over your revision (or lack of it). I promise to trust you enough to let you decide how hard you want to work, until you ask for help.

When that time comes, I hope you’ll know that while I will not push you until you break, I will definitely push you to achieve the most you can.

You see, I’m always on your team. While I can’t do the examination for you, I will walk alongside with you every step of the way, helping you keep pace, cheering you on, and teaching you what you don’t know.

Four things to remember in your PSLE year

If you didn’t read anything above because, wall of text, just read these four points below. 

1. Do what you need to do at the right time

You know this very well, but I’ll put it right on top here anyway. 

There are lots of things to do, all surely important in their own right. The trick to doing them all well is not to multitask well, but to do what you need to do at the right time.

We’re not robots, son. We have our human limits. So as much as you want to do it all – sports, choir, music – you need to know when to stop.

This year, exams and revision will take up a lot of your time. There’s no running away from that. But I hope that you’ll remember that if you decide to put in good time to study when it’s time to study, you’ll realise that there will still be time left to do all the other things that you love.

2. Don’t skimp on rest and play.

“Play” doesn’t mean video games only.

To be the best version of yourself every day, you’ll need to prioritise rest and relaxation. And for someone like you who just wants to do everything, you must remember that it’s good to have nothing scheduled for the day, too.

Good sleep every night is important, to help your brain reset, keep your immunity levels high so you don’t fall sick frequently, and to grow well.

Yes, this all sounds very tedious, and you might be bombastic side-eyeing me, but you will thank me in 20 years’ time, when sleep becomes a privilege.

As for play, I’m not going to tell you that video games are evil and you cannot play them. Of course not. I’m a gamer myself and I know how much enjoyment you can get from them.

Rather, I want to remind you of all the OTHER things you can do for entertainment and relaxation.

Long walks or runs, leisurely swims, binge-watching our favourite TV shows, getting lost in the world of the Wings of Fire book series, playing board and card games, baking your favourite snack, learning fun pieces on the piano, drawing comic strips… you love doing these too when you’re chilling out at home.

3. It’s okay to fail but you must get back up again.

Failing is inevitable. We can’t win all the time.

The thrill and exhilaration of winning a competition, getting selected for a school team, or attaining excellent results is incomparable. 

And yet, the lessons you will learn from trying, failing, and getting back up again are far more valuable. 

Yes, story time. Stay with me.

Years ago, I entered university to study Business Administration. I’d chosen it because I didn’t know what I wanted to do after graduation. I was told that graduating with a business degree would give me lots of career opportunities.

One semester in, I was struggling badly. I hated what I was studying. I was aimlessly staying up overnight while staying in a hall of residence, and felt really demoralised by my poor grades.

At the end of the year, I decided to stop wasting my time, cut my losses, and switch courses. 

Because I’d chosen to carry over some of the credits to my new course (Literature), that meant I had to work really hard to make up for the awful grades that had dragged down my Grade Point Average (GPA).

When I switched courses, did I feel like a failure? 100%. I was ashamed of myself, angry that I’d frittered my time away, and felt like I’d let my parents down.

However, I have no regrets making the change. The whole journey was necessary for me to really appreciate the second chance I had to study what I loved and not waste any more time.

So son, don’t fear mistakes. They’re good for you. 

4. Always remember who you are.

You’re more than your PSLE results, more than the secondary school you will go to. These are just things about you, but you’re so much more than that.

All the sports you pour your heart into playing, the music you make, the relationships you have with your family and friends – all you love to do and what you spend your time and energy on – are equally, if not even more, a part of you.

So if and when you start to get overwhelmed by all the revision and work you have to put in for the PSLE, hold the thought of all that’s close to your heart and tell yourself that all this will pass.

If it means anything at all to you, everyone at home is so proud to call you son, and “kor kor”. Definitely not because you’re a stellar student, but because of who you are to us.

As my eldest son, you’re immeasurably helpful, eager to help, and always ready to go anywhere with us. As the oldest brother, you’re kind-hearted, responsible, and willing to smother your littlest sister with all the hugs, kisses and cuddles she could want. 

You’re quick to forgive and fun to be around, you’re curious and humorous and always ready with a joke, and you have such a huge zest for life and all it offers.

Remember these well, son, because this is what makes you, you.

Until you’re embarrassed and maybe even after then, I’m going to hug you tight before bed every night, play a few more board and card games with you, catch up on our Korean dramas, try out the new snack at the petrol kiosk, and give you foot rubs to soothe your aching feet.  

We’re all behind you as you navigate your PSLE year – your dad, brother, little sisters, and I. Whenever you feel worried, down, or anxious, tell yourself that it’s all going to be okay.

You’ll be fine, son. More than fine. 

Love you more,
Mum

Kelly Ang (@kelthebelle) is a freelance writer and a mum of five, who spends an equal amount of time each day writing, driving her kids around, nagging at them (sadly) and planning her next family adventure. She’s still learning new things about being the mum her kids need, 11 years into this motherhood gig.