NDR 2024: Why Are SAHMs And SAHDs Not In The Conversation?

Like many others, I was pumped with anticipation before this year’s National Day Rally. After all, the General Elections is on the horizon and Prime Minister Lawrence Wong had spoken several times of wanting to build a more caring, inclusive society.

Surely, I thought, we can expect new perks for parents from a government that’s been urging everyone to make more babies.

And there most certainly are. 

The 10 additional weeks of shared parental leave, which takes effect from April 2026, and mandatory four-week paternity leave, starting in April 2025, will certainly encourage more dads to be an active contributor in day-to-day newborn care. 

Families who have three or more kids can also expect to receive more support, though details are not ready yet. (Ahem, Budget 2025.)

All this is well and good except this one gnawing thought. Why are stay-at-home mums and dads hardly ever mentioned in national conversations? How are we supporting their well-being and aspirations?

SAHMs and SAHDs often have to fend for themselves

The truth is, SAHMs and SAHDs are in an awkward spot. Many are not involuntarily unemployed. Rather, they opt to be more hands-on in raising their kids. For some, there is no caregiving option available during their children’s early years. This renders them jobless and incomeless for a stretch. It is not a fun situation especially in Singapore, a famously expensive city to live in.

While there are parents who I know are happy to give up their career permanently, preferring to focus their energy on the home front, there are many others who want to return to a full-time job eventually. But the time away from the workforce has left them out of touch with the transformations in their industry.

With a household to run, how many can afford the time to upskill and stay relevant professionally? Also, high-quality training programmes require a certain amount of financial investment – money that families might prefer to save for formula, groceries and doctor’s visits.

Even as a freelance writer slash mum-of-three who is “plugged in” albeit at a slower pace, I have sometimes felt like I was left behind by the fast-evolving communications landscape. ChatGPT is now a competitor of me and my mates, and TikTok makes my head hurt though I really should get more adept at creating content on all platforms. Cue apocalyptic thought: are my writing and editing jobs going to be lost to technology and young digital natives tomorrow?

What I’m trying to say is, when parents choose to exit the nine-to-six grind, they are in limbo. Though many of us find ways to still earn a living with our own genius and resourcefulness while caring for our offspring (pat on the back, y’all!), it wouldn't hurt to reduce our anxiety of an uncertain financial future.

Training support for stay-home parents

Hence, when the NDR speech surfaced a new training allowance under the SkillsFuture Level-Up programme, my ears pricked up. Singaporeans aged 40 and above who take time off work to study full-time will get an allowance of up to $3,000 a month for up to 24 months. Those who go for part-time courses will also receive some moolah.

“Take Time Off Work.” 

Is caring for a child considered work? Do we need to make alternative caregiving arrangements – babysitters are expensive by the way – so that we can attend trainings with peace of mind? Do SAHMs and SAHDs have the skills and talent to contribute to society outside of home?

If we can answer “yes” to all of these questions without hesitation, here is my proposition to the government: please extend the Level-Up allowance to parents who have given their time, sweat and tears to raise the next generation, and who wish to pursue their professional aspirations again when their children are grown.

Currently, organisations like Mums@Work and NTUC are doing a great job in helping mothers obtain flexi-work, receive career coaching and return to the workplace. But as a progressive society, we need a more concerted, organised effort in this area. 

Why? Because every person, including SAHMs and SAHDs, should be able to access opportunities that allow them to attain upward mobility. And let's not forget, these brave warriors wind up gaining a ton of emotional maturity, empathy and negotiation skills (from handling the smart-mouthed littles) -- qualities that amplify their professional knowledge and value in any company.

So even though people say that the job of raising children full-time is immeasurable in dollars and cents, this is just lip service until we (ironically) do put a price tag on supporting the aspirations of stay-home parents, should they wish to reenter their profession or forge a new path.

Dare I hazard, more young people might be persuaded to have children when they are assured that even if they put their careers on hold, they will not be left in the dust permanently. There is a way to “have it all” in different seasons of our life, but it takes truly inclusive policies to make this happen. Can we get there sooner rather than later? I sure hope so.

Mei Yan is mother to three boisterous children and two furry felines. She maintains her sanity with kopi siew dai, yoga and tarot reading, and hopes to pay off her sleep debt in this lifetime. You can find her musings on motherhood and mindfulness @alittlepastbedtime.